GoT Cover UPDATE

Dirty Girls: Ramsay Needs to Die.

Tarah: *hums along with the theme song while opening credits roll*

Are you ready for the week 6 recap? I’ll hold your hand because it was brutal, you guys. The episode opens with Arya washing one of the dead bodies in the House of Black and White. My girl is rocking some sweet braids this week. I’m into it! She’s taking this washing gig very seriously and is being very respectful with the body. A couple of men come and take the body away. She sees movement behind the door and the mean girl shows up. Arya demands to know what is happening with the dead bodies and refuses to scrub another floor until she finds out. The girl instructs her to get back to work. Arya tells her she wants to play the game of faces. She’s ready! Remember, the game of faces is the game where that girl kept smacking Arya. I would not want to play that again! The mean girl decides to play and tells a tale of her life in Westeros before she came to the House of Black and White. It was quite the story and she asks if Arya believed every word she said. Arya doesn’t know what to think, and the girl snaps at her to get back to work. Ok so apparently you need to be a master liar and be able to detect lies to be a faceless man.

Tarah: Running a wet rag lightly over someone’s skin is considered “washing” them? Ew. Please tell me the dead people aren’t skinned for their “many faces” masks. Mission: Impossible meets Silence of the Lambs. So many dead people…

Paula: Were those nail clippers? Who are these dead people?

Candi: Why do these people keep washing dead people?! Are they the morgue?

Later, Arya is sleeping and Jaqan walks into her room and asks her, “Who are you?” She gives him her real name, Arya. He proceeds to ask her questions and she answers them honestly until she doesn’t. He knows every lie and smacks her when she lies. The prick! I get that this is all part of some test but I do not like him hitting Arya! Arya doesn’t back down, of course. She keeps playing the game and then he asks her about the Hound. She tells Jaqan she left the Hound for dead because she wanted him to suffer and she hated him. He slaps her again. She screams that she hated him and he slaps her again and again. She says it’s not a lie and he keeps hitting her. He finally stops and tells her she lies to herself. Does she truly want to be no one? Arya screams that she’s not playing his stupid game anymore, and he leaves her on the floor with a bloody lip. This bit about her feelings on the Hound made me sad for her. I actually miss the two of them together. They were one of my favorite odd little GoT duos!

Paula: I don’t understand this game of faces. Is it about lying? Also. I don’t find that guy as hot as everyone else does. He reminds me of Jesus because of his hair and robe. It seems wrong to find him hot.

Candi: This motherfucker!!!

Way over in Valyria, Jorah and Tyrion are still stranded. Jorah is checking out his greyscale as Tyrion’s bitching about him being an awful traveling companion. Jorah finally asks Tyrion why he was headed to see Dany. Tyrion explains that he killed his father because they wanted to execute him for a crime he didn’t commit. Just a reminder to all you newbies, Tyrion was put on trial for murdering King Joffrey, the sniveling little shit, and he was innocent. Plus, Tyrion found out his father was fucking the woman he loved so … that’ll do it. Jorah looks shocked by this revelation. He probably didn’t know Tywin was dead. Tyrion goes on to tell Jorah that at least Jorah’s father was a good man. He relays the story of how he met Jorah’s father, Lord Commander Mormont, on his visit to the Wall. He quotes the Night Watch’s saying and says we shall never see his like again. With this line, Jorah realizes his father is dead. This is all quite sad and you can tell Tyrion genuinely feels bad that he’s the one that broke the news. Jorah wants to know how he died. Tyrion tells him it was a mutiny, and he was killed by his own men. They keep moving.

Tarah: Hm. How quick will his stone stuff spread? They really are quite the pair. I hope they make it to Khaleesi soon. I want to see what she says about this mess.

Ooh! Back to Arya already! I get a little bit of joy in my life anytime she is on the screen, you guys. A man comes into the room with the pool, and he’s carrying a young girl while Arya is scrubbing the floors. He greets her with valar morghulis and explains he has nowhere else to go. He’s taken his daughter to every healer in Braavos and spent every penny he had. She suffers every single day, and he just wants it to end. Arya hesitates for just a moment but then she walks over to the girl. I think we all know this is not in Arya’s job description. The young girl tells Arya that she’s in pain and it hurts. Arya comforts her and tells her not to be afraid. She weaves a beautiful tale about how she used to be sick like the girl and was dying but her father never gave up on her. He loved her more than anything in the world just like the girl’s father loves her. *cries* She continues on with the story and says her father prayed to the Many-Faced God, she drank the water, and it healed her. Well damn. That was a convincing lie! Maybe she is ready for this game of faces. Arya gives the girl the water from the pool while Jaqan watches from the shadows. Afterwards, Arya is with the young girl’s dead body and Jaqan appears. He looks at her and walks away. She follows him through the doorway down these stairs that are lit up. Holy shit. It’s like a mausoleum or catacombs or something and it is filled with faces. FACES, you guys! So that’s what they do with the bodies! He asks if the girl is ready to give up her ears and eyes and tongue, her dreams, and everything that makes up who she is. No, he doesn’t think a girl is ready to be no one but she is ready to become someone else. Of course, I have no idea what he really means, but I can’t wait to find out!

Tarah: Aw, poor little girl. Shut the fuck up. WAS I RIGHT?! I was half kidding. Oh my fuck. I’d hate to have the job of lighting all those cups along the walls. Ok…seriously. Are those all skin masks?!

Paula: What the heck is going on? I don’t understand this becoming someone else. Is all of this metaphorical, like with Jon Snow and killing the boy? If that woman opens her eyes, I’m going to die!

Candi: This face man needs to wear a bell or something. He just pops up and scares the hell out of me!! JESUS JUMPING CHRIST ON A CRACKER!!!!!! (<<<—– I give Lila Monroe full credit for my new favorite saying.) What is with all those heads!!!!!!

hob&w

I hope Arya chooses my face someday. I’ll just be hanging out here until she’s ready.

Back to Jorah and Tyrion. Tyrion wants to know why Jorah is backing Danerys in this game of thrones and Jorah asks Tyrion is he’s ever seen something greater than himself. He explains he didn’t believe in anything until he saw a girl step into the fire with her dragon eggs and emerge holding 3 baby dragons. He wants to know if Tyrion has ever heard baby dragons singing? He said it’s hard to be cynical after that. Tyrion questions whether Dany is sane because, you know, her father was the Mad King and all. While he’s pondering this, Jorah spies a slave ship. They hide behind a bush but … oh fuck! It’s too late.

Tarah: Bucket list: Find a dragon egg. Such pretty scenery. I wonder where they shot this? I imagine all the travel for this show is awesome.

The slavers grab them up. The next thing we see they are punching the shit out of Jorah. They are discussing how they can sell Jorah to the mines but what should they do with the dwarf? They decide that Tyrion is worthless and they should slit his throat and cut off his cock because dwarf cocks are magical! Apparently there’s a cock merchant! Who knew? Tyrion uses those quick wits of his and advises the slavers that they need a live dwarf to go with the cock because how else will the cock merchant know it’s a dwarf’s cock? The guy says it’ll be dwarf-sized and Tyrion snaps, “Guess again!” Burn! All this cock talk is a bit cray cray but they buy Tyrion’s story and say he can live. Thank the Seven! Jorah questions the legality of this whole slave situation since Dany outlawed slavery. The men advise that Dany has reopened the fighting pits in Meereen. Jorah doesn’t know what to make of this but thankfully Tyrion’s negotiating skills are getting stronger by the second because he convinces them that Jorah is a great fighter and they could make a fortune putting him in the fighting pits. Once again, Tyrion saves the day as they head off to the fighting pits in Meereen. One step closer to the Khaleesi. Boom!

Tarah: A…cock merchant. I’ve heard all things. *gag*

Paula: Oh my goodness, they have cock merchants? Alrighty then. What do they do with the cock? And they are ne-ver getting to where they are going.

Candi: This poor little dude has the worst luck. Chop off his cock!!!!! His little peen is magical?!?!! Hold up. Did he just imply that he is hung?? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I CANT BREATHE!!!!!! And I love how they say the word cock back in the olden days.

Meanwhile, Littlefinger has arrived in King’s Landing. The Faith Militant are lurking all around, and he’s stopped by Brother Lancel who informs Littlefinger that King’s Landing is a different place now. He boasts of their work in flooding the gutters with wine, smashing false idols, and setting the godless on the run. Littlefinger wears his customary smirk and tells him well done. Ha. HA! He informs Lancel that he is here on business with the Queen Mother. Lancel lets him pass and imparts a warning for Littlefinger to step carefully because they’ve closed the brothels and there is little room for flesh peddling.

Tarah: These Sparrow fellows are mad.

 

sheri1 updated

They closed all the brothels in King’s Landing? AS IF!

During the Littlefinger and Cersei reunion, Littlefinger questions whether it was a smart move to arrest the heir to High Garden because he knows House Tyrell will not tolerate it. Remember, Littlefinger has worked behind the scenes with the Tyrells for quite some time now. Cersei denies involvement with Loras’ arrest and says he shamed her because he was her intended but he chose men as his companions. Littlefinger snarks about how one’s choice of companion is a curious thing. Indeed. Cersei hesitates for a minute. Yeah, Cersei, how do you explain your choice of lying with your twin brother? Well, because it’s Jaime, and I totally get that! But still, I think these religious fanatics may not approve. Anyways. They banter on some more about what’s going on at the Eyrie. Then Littlefinger drops the big bomb. He tells Cersei that Sansa is alive and well and living at Winterfell. Roose Bolton plans to marry her to his son, Ramsay. Cersei rages that they were fools to trust a turncloak. She will skin him and his bastard because she thinks Sansa helped murder her son, Joffrey. Littlefinger points out that Stannis and Bolton will battle it out and she should wait to fight the victor. He inquires about her Uncle Kevan and Jaime. Which one can start war on these traitors? As Littlefinger well knows, she can’t count on either of them because Kevan has as much courage as a church mouse and Jaime is currently indisposed in Dorne. Littlefinger suggests that he should be made Warden of the North, and can use his men from the Eyrie to fight for the Lannisters. Cersei concedes and says she’ll talk to King Tommen and have a royal decree issued. He assures her he won’t rest until the Lion is flying over Winterfell, and she counters that she will not rest until Sansa’s head is on a stake. Littlefinger tells her he lives to serve. As if! So is he the smartest guy on the show? In one fell swoop he’s consolidated his power by being in control of the Eyrie and the North. This is a big deal, people! Regardless what I think of Littlefinger, I have to admire his skill at the game. Think about it. He wasn’t born into a noble family, he had to see the woman he loved be ripped away from him to marry a high born man. I think his whole rise to power has been a big old fuck you to all those people that stood in his way.

Tarah: Oh Little Finger… you tricky bastard.

Candi: Ok. Does anyone see it? I think the drunk queen mother lady and this dude, is this the creepy uncle? I can’t get anyone’s names right on this goddamn show, except Jon Snow. He’s all I know. Anyway, I think these two would make a great couple!! Are they related??

Down in Dorne, the beautiful young Princess Myrcella and the handsome young Prince Trystane appear to be in love or lust with each other. Prince Doran watches them from his tower and tells his guard that it’s a Lannister and a Martell and that they must protect them. His guard assures him they will. Prince Trystane wants to get hot and heavy with Myrcella and she asks him how many girls have been before her. I like that she banters with him. They really are quite a cute couple.

Candi: And who is this adorable curly haired guy?!?! This place looks very tropical and bright. I want to live here.

Next we see Jaime and Bronn dressed as Dornish horsemen riding through the countryside. Bronn is singing a Dornish song, and Jaime’s telling him to zip it. They come across a group of people heading to the Water Gardens so they sneak in behind them and set off to find Myrcella.

Paula: What is Jaime wearing? He looks sexy in anything.

Oh look! Here are the Sand Snakes again. They are making a pact with Ellaria about their dead father, Prince Obyren. They are in the Water Gardens too! Oh snap. These women are going to try to kidnap Myrcella right when Jaime is there! Jaime and Bronn spy Myrcella and Trystane making out and Bronn snarks that it looks like she’s made herself at home. Jaime interrupts their make out session and she’s shocked to see “Uncle” Jaime. She introduces Trystane and tries to save face by saying he’s her intended. They awkwardly shake hands as Trystane says they weren’t expecting Lord Jaime. Trystane is eyeing up their Dornish outfits and the blood adorning Bronn’s sleeves when Jaime insists on speaking to Myrcella alone. Bronn knows the kid has their number and tells him not to do something stupid. Trystane doesn’t listen and goes for his sword and Bronn knocks him out. At least the kid isn’t a coward! I think I like him. Jaime is rushing to get Myrcella to go with him, but she’s worried about her prince when the Sand Snake’s attack.

Paula: I wonder why the sand snake sister’s shoes curl up on the ends?

Candi: Uncle Jaime??? Wait a minute. Is that her uncle or her daddy?!

It’s all out battle with the women wielding their whips and spears and the men wielding their swords. Bronn says oh for fuck’s sake! My thought’s exactly, Bronn. This shit looks scary! Jaime is struggling against the spear. Shit. I really can’t keep up with what’s happening. Nymeria makes a grab for Myrcella when the real Dornish guards appear. Obera is pretty pissed off and shouts that she fights for Dorne and asks who they fight for. The guard doesn’t look amused and tells them all to drop their weapons. He puts his spear to Jaime’s throat and tells him it would have been a good fight if he was whole. Bronn tells Tyene that she fights good for a little girl. She’s enraged and moves to attack him but the guards hold her back. I truly think Bronn admires her. Next we see Ellaria cornered and everyone is taken into custody. What will come of this? Also, can we give a shout out to GRRM and HBO for creating these badass warrior women that can handle their own against some of the toughest men in King’s Landing? We’ve seen Jaime, even with his gold hand, and Bronn take out more than three men at once yet they couldn’t take down the three Sand Snakes.

Tarah: I wonder if it’s hard for him to remember not to use or move his right hand? I like a woman who can handle a whip. Just sayin’…

Candi: “Oh for fucks sake” LOLOL!!!! LITTLE GIRL!!! Who is this guy?!?! I love him!! He’s hysterical!!!!

 

Tarah1 updated

Yeah, that’s right. I know how to wield a whip and a spear. Boom!

We see a contingent heading into King’s Landing and discovery Lady Olenna Tyrell aka the Queen of Thorns. She opens the window and says you can smell the shit from five miles away! Granny Tyrell is back! She and Margaery take a walk to discuss what’s happening with Loras’ arrest. She assures Margaery that all they have is rumors and gossip. Olenna assumes they just want to drag the Tyrell name through the dirt.

Candi: I wonder if she’s traveling in the shit box.

Lady Olenna meets with Cersei and this is an epic battle of witty one-liners. Cersei is ignoring her while writing and Olenna has a traveled a long way to be here. She instructs Cersei to put the pen down because they both know she isn’t writing anything. Cersei remarks about the tart tongued Queen of Thorns and Olenna responds that Cersei is the Queen Tart. Boom! Take that! There’s some more back and forth and Cersei asks for an apology. Olenna tells her she’ll get one when they free her grandson. Cersei claims she was shocked at the arrest because she has no love for these religious fanatics. AS IF! Olenna wants to know if the crown has suddenly stopped needing the gold and wheat her house provides. Cersei explains that the High Sparrow only calls for an inquest not a trial. She believes their happy alliance will continue and they can forget this unfortunate conversation ever happened. I don’t believe Cersei for a second, but I’d be worried if I were Cersei. The Queen of Thorns doesn’t suffer fools.

Tarah: I much preferred Cersei when she was a lesbian flower shop owner… (if you haven’t seen Imagine Me and You, you should).

At the inquest we have Loras, Granny, Margaery, Cersei, and King Tommen along with the High Sparrow and other members of the Faith Militant. Loras is being questioned about his relationship with his dead lover, Renly. There’s some back and forth about that and Loras defends his actions in standing by Renly and says he later fought for King Joffrey. The High Sparrow tells him he’s been accused of fornication, buggery, and blasphemy. He questions whether Loras ever laid with Renly or any other man. He denies it all. Next they call Queen Margaery forward. She announces that she is the queen and he tells her that she is not exempt from a holy inquest. He asks how she responds to the charges against her brother. She affirms they are all lies and swears that her brother is innocent of all charges. Hm. This is scaring me. After they finish with Margaery, the door opens and they bring in Oliver. Just a reminder, Oliver was one of Littlefinger’s prostitutes and one of Loras’ lovers. Oliver tells everyone that he was a squire and Loras took a liking to him. He admits they engaged in intimate relations. Loras shouts that he is a liar. The high Sparrow asks if there is anyone else who can support his claims. He says why yes, Queen Margaery walked in on us once and didn’t seem surprised. Oh shit. At this point, Cersei pipes up that this testimony is a disgrace to High Garden and wants to know why they should believe this lowly squire over the noble people of High Garden. Oliver puts the nail in the coffin when he describes Loras’ birthmark high up on his thigh. Ouch! The Faith is satisfied that there is enough evidence to bring a formal trial against Loras and Margaery. Everyone is shocked as they arrest Margaery for bearing false witness. Holy shit! They take her away as she yells for King Tommen to help her. (Is anyone else having flashbacks to the Tudors?) The kid just sits there looking shocked as Cersei holds him back. Olenna and Cersei stare each other down as Olenna finally sees Cersei’s true intentions. Damn. But don’t count the Tyrells out just yet. Remember what happened last time Olenna’s grandchildren were threatened? Joffrey ended up poisoned at his own wedding. Cersei better watch her back.

Tarah: Ohhhhh well played, Cersei. Conniving bitch. Poor Loras and Margaery.

Paula: Buggery. I thought he said fuckery. I had to rewind. Those closed captions came in handy.

Candi: “I am the QUEEN” ohh shut up you stupid bitch. Sorry PSUKA. Oh damnnnnnnn!!! She’s gone!!!

Over at Winterfell, Myranda (oops I spelled her name wrong last week) shows up to give Sansa a bath on her wedding day. She claims it was Lord Ramsay’s idea. Myranda tells Sansa she’s so beautiful as she bathes her and washes the black dye from her hair. She says there’s no need to hide who she is anymore. She warns Sansa that she’ll need to work hard to keep Ramsay happy because he gets bored easily. She continues to impart these little tidbits about Ramsay’s crazy behavior and warns Sansa of all the women he’s grown tired of and their horrible demises. She mentions the woman that was killed because Ramsay was hunting her down and let the dogs attack her. Sansa asks, “What was your name again?” This is a pure high-born bitch move, and I love it. Oh yes, who are you, you lowly kennel master’s daughter, because you’re not good enough for me to remember your name? She asks Myranda how long she’s been in love with Ramsay. She wants to know if she imagined he’d be with her forever and did Sansa come along and ruin it. Sansa proclaims she is Sansa Stark of Winterfell. This is her home and Myranda can’t frighten her. Sansa dismisses her, and she scurries away. Ha. HA!

Tarah: This chick is likely to drown Sansa. Boom! You tell her, Sansa.

Paula: Was her hair not red because it was dirty?

Candi: Hmm. I wish I had someone to bathe me. Take that, little girl!! I really should learn the names of these people.

Sansa is getting dressed for her wedding. Her beautiful Tully red hair is up in a crown of braids, and she looks like a lovely winter princess. She seems so young here as opposed to her dark clothes and dyed black hair that she was rocking at the Eyrie. Theon comes to the door, and he actually looks clean and almost handsome again. He asks her to take his arm, and she tells him she will not touch him. He begs her, please he’ll punish me if you don’t. Sansa says she doesn’t care what he does to Theon as she stalks past him. They walk out into the Godswood and the crowd is gathered waiting for them. This scene is so haunting. It’s dark and there are candles everywhere. Roose Bolton and Ramsay are waiting for her under the Weirwood tree. They exchange the wedding vows and Theon chokes up a bit when he says his name and Sansa’s name. They ask if she takes this man and after a few moments she finally says she will. She looks Ramsay directly in the eyes, and he smiles that nasty little devil’s smile. Any crazy fanciful notions of this not ending horribly died right here. God, I hate him.

Tarah: What a pretty tree.

Candi: God. Is she supposed to be getting married or walking in to a funeral? And OMG is that snow I see falling?!? IS WINTER COMING!?!?!!! Wait. She’s marrying this whacko?!?! This guy’s a nut job!! Clearly she doesn’t want him. So why is she marrying him????

Theon leads the two of them into Ramsay’s chambers. Ramsay asks Sansa if she is pleased. She tells him she is. God, I’m so nervous right now. He questions the veracity of the claim that she’s still a virgin. Sansa looks nervous and eyes Theon. This is awkward as hell, and she’s clearly wondering why Theon is still in the room with them. She tells him that she is still a virgin. He wants to know why and whether she was afraid of dwarfs? Sansa tells him Lord Tyrion was kind and gentle, and he never touched her. I can’t stop thinking about how her wedding night to Tyrion was so different. Tyrion is 100 times a bigger man than this fucker in all the ways that matter. And you know what? I just realized that Ramsay isn’t all that much taller than Tyrion. Is that his problem? Napoleon complex? He asks Sansa if she is lying and warns her that lying to her husband on their wedding night would be a bad way to start their marriage. He gives her a light kiss and then instructs her to take off her clothes. Oh my god. What the fuck, dude? Theon is still in the room, and he tries to leave but Ramsay makes him stay. He tells Theon that he’s known Sansa since she was a girl and now he can watch her become a woman. He roughly rips her dress and rapes her. What in the fuck? This is seriously fucked up. Seriously. I’m so disgusted. Someone needs to murder that piece of shit asshole as soon as fucking possible.

Tarah: Poor Sansa. Kill your husband, honey. Just do it. Maybe the scared guy will kill him for her. *fingers crossed* Jesus. This is too much…

Paula: I’m going to cry. Poor Sansa and Reek. I hope someone kills Ramsay soon.

Candi: HOLD UP!! She was with the little dude?!?! Oh shit!! Is there going to be sex!!!!!!! Finally!!!! So he’s into Voyeurism. WHAT. THE. FUCK!!! Did he just….I can’t even say it. Sick fucker. OFF WITH HIS HEAD, BALLS AND DICK!!!

The credits roll.

Tarah: That’s where they end it?!?! For fucks sake. *turns on Finding Nemo*

Paula: I’m still upset over Sansa. I’ll have to rewind these previews later.

*Side note–I dreamt about those nail clippers! I was showing Ang a picture of them in my dream.

Candi: In conclusion, I was basically confused this whole episode.

Biggest AS IF: So many this week! I think Littlefinger saying he lived to serve was the best one.

Best Hair: I’m going with my Stark girls this week. I loved Arya’s two little side-sweep braids and Sansa’s crown of braids.

Final thoughts: My stomach is in knots. My wife and I are sitting here in shock. I haven’t felt like this since Ned was beheaded. Gah.

Deeper thoughts: Since I started writing these recaps, I stopped reading others because I don’t want to be inadvertently influenced, but I couldn’t help but see my Twitter feed blow up with the controversy over this episode. I agree. It was 100% vile and disgusting, and I never want to see a character raped on any TV show. Obviously. How do I feel about the way GoT portrayed it? It’s tough. What did we actually think Ramsay was going to do on their wedding night? Has there ever been a single doubt that this man is anything other than a psychopathic sick fuck power hungry sadist? No, there hasn’t. Has the show ever shied away from the time period when women were treated like fucking chattel and bought and sold on the whims of their male relatives? No, it hasn’t. What happened to Danerys after she was sold by her cowardly brother to Khal Drogo? She was raped on her wedding night and it was horrid. Did Dany come away destroyed and disempowered afterwards? No, she didn’t. She ended up taking control of that situation and now she is the Mother of Dragons and arguably the most powerful woman on the show. I think the message that rape equals complete disempowerment or ruination of a character is very dangerous. I expect Sansa will come through this on the other side. She has shown that she’s a survivor time and time again.

Even though there’s nothing we can do to help fictional characters on a television show, we can do something to try and make a difference in real life. This is a link for care.org, an organization that works towards ending child marriage and with it, the thousands of marital rapes that are still happening today. This organization works tirelessly to empower female survivors.

Kayti: Srsly Cersei

GoT 3a

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUUUUCK. Like where AM I. Literally I’m not sure. I been drankin. I been drankin. I get filthy when that liquor get into me. I been thinkin.

Hey, that should like, be a song. Fetch a minstrel.

My brother is slipperier than I get around Jaime’s golden hand, isn’t he? UGH JUST DIIIIIEEEEE HALF-PINT.

Oh, here I be. I’ll admit, I’m looking a scosh rough around the edges, but hey. I’m busy. Who run the world? Me. Oh, I like that too. Is the minstrel still around?

Littlefinger appears to be almost as clever as *I* am. Huh. I did not see that coming, although that could just be the cask of wine.

Also. Myrcella’s fiancé is like. SUH not my type. But I could see it. *hic* I don’t see this wedding going off though. Don’t believe me? Just watch! OMFG I am on FUCKING FIRE tonight. I should learn to play a fucking *hic* thingy myself.

Gramma Tyrell is boring. I’m bored. PS sweet headgear. NOT.

You know what would be an ideal place to use all these hit singles I keep coming up with? A fucking TV SHOW. Like, a courtroom drama. Since I rule so hard at those. Imma call it Law and Order: Cersei’s Victims Unit.

I gotta call my agent. Cersei OUT.

Mel: Ygritte Knows Everything

GoT3b

Jon Snow wasn’t in it this week, so Ygritte went on strike. She will not write a word until he comes back.

*All graphics used are in fun. They do not belong to us, but to the powers that be at HBO and Game of Thrones. No copyright infringement intended.